When the Grass Gets High

Today, I did what millions of Americans do all the time: mowed the yard. Even though it is late March, the central Florida weather promotes the growth of that green stuff almost all year round. Although, I was really mowing more of a field of flowers rather than a yard of beautiful green grass. Yelp, those wild daises covered our backyard like a perfectly laid carpet. I felt a little guilty cutting them down. But it was a job that needed to be done as the woman of the house instructed. A man must do what a man needs to do.

I don’t mind mowing our nearly one-acre yard with our powerful Murray 38-inch gas-powered riding lawn mower featuring a high-performance 11.50 gross HP*, 344cc Briggs & Stratton power-built engine. Okay, now that I’ve impressed you with my ability to operate heavy-duty machinery, enough of that technical stuff. Just know I enjoy driving that motorized oversized grass-clipping machine.

One of my thoughts today while cruising the yard at 2.1 miles per hour was that I was enjoying a cool, beautiful day outside, and it was Friday. It wasn’t that long ago that mowing the yard on a Friday could only be done as soon as I got home from work. I’m now retired and mowing the yard reinforces the fact that I’m retired, and I can now mow the yard anytime I want to or when directed by the woman of the house on the day she designates. It’s a wonderful life.

I look forward to the summer when the grass gets high faster than I can spray a bottle of “Roundup” around the yard, battling the insurrection of weeds in our yard. Some of you may question my use of the word insurrection. No doubt they will claim weeds have nothing to do with an insurrection. I could say the same about Mr. Trump, but I will save that for another day.

Now, back to using the word insurrection when discussing the weeds in our yard. The Merriam-Webster definition of insurrection is an act or instance of revolting against civil authority or an established government. I am the civil authority over our yard, and the weeds are revolting against our desire to keep our yard a weed-free zone. No, I’m not talking about the Mary Jane weed (pot), although we do maintain a no Mary Jane policy in our household.

In battling our weed insurrection, we use Roundup as our defense and a weed eater as our security force. I am surprised that CNN, NBC, MSNBC, CBS, and ABC haven’t approached me yet because I battled the insurrection of weeds with a Trump 2024 sign in my yard. Perhaps they are too busy covering the faltering third-world type falsifiable legal battles with President Trump. I wonder, would it be helpful if I sprayed Roundup around the US Department of Justice and the offices of Letitia James, Alvin Bragg, openly biased Judge Arthur Engoron, Jack Smith, and Fani Willis? Just a thought.

Okay, I’m stepping down off my soap box that I have installed in my backyard where no one can hear me. Perhaps this is the time to promote my last book shamefully. It is titled Insignificant Thoughts because it is a collection of essays about my thoughts about God and religion, and I’m sure no one cares about what I think about God and religion. The same can be said about my soap box comments above, no one cares about my thoughts concerning politics or the injustice being served to Mr. Trump. So, in closing, I offer the following:

One reason I enjoy mowing our yard sitting on top of our fossil fuel drinking machine (that’s for all my liberal friends) is that it gives me time to think. Over the years, I have had great ideas, thought about marvelous inventions, solved many of our nation’s problems, and even assessed the possibility of aliens visiting our planet. I’m certain I have written at least a half dozen number-one country hits while mowing the high grass. If I could only remember the words and the melody once I finished mowing the yard. Oh well, I’m sure I can write another number one hit as soon as I once again mount that grass-cutting machine when, once again, the grass gets high. 

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